Children between 3-5 years move from the “terrible two’s” to the “magic years” with many wonderful milestones ahead at this stage of development.
Imaginative play, increased independence, self identity, agile movement, relational awareness and language mastery are just a few highlights from this amazing time in your child’s life.
With all of this comes heightened awareness and curiosity. Your child will likely spend most of their waking hours questioning everything that happens around them. It is an important part of their social and cognitive development.
“Children learn by a pattern observing and mimicking” shares Abbie Davies, who studied Developmental Psychology at Harvard and is the Owner/Founder of My First Yoga. “Children begin to observe the rhythm of conversation – ‘Person A’ talks and then ‘Person B’ responds. They take this model and begin their mimicking; but, due to a somewhat limited vocabulary and conversation stamina, they will run out of things to say. This is where the question “why” comes in. When a child has exhausted their relevant responses, but wants to continue to converse, they often respond with a simple “why” - which they know, from observation, fulfills their part of the conversation.”
Children are also seeking attention when asking “why”. Don’t be concerned that they will become a show-off and an attention hog, this is simply part of their development in the magic years. Although it may feel frustrating at times – especially after the 100th “why” of the day, this helps them validate their place in the family and satisfy their curiosity.
Dr. Catherine Perry, a specialist in early childhood development, family dynamics, and human development across the lifespan, reminds us that “children are not miniature adults; therefore, their brains process information differently than adults.” She goes on to say that, “children tend not to be satisfied with most answers that adults give them.”
Although it may not be obvious, there are a few different kinds of why questions and they might warrant different responses.
· “Why do I have to….?” Keep your answers simple and to the point and your child will pay close attention. Don’t feel like you have to explain all the rules and consequences – they can’t understand such reasoning yet.
· “Why can’t the cat talk to me?” Abstract questions like this may be more difficult, or fun, depending on how you look at it. You can answer that you don’t know and then ask your child a related question like “Do you wish the cat could talk to you?” By changing the direction of the conversation, you’ve confirmed your interest in them and can keep the conversation alive without feeling frustrated.
· “Why do cars have tires?” Feed your child’s curiosity and teach them to think more clearly by sharing what you know about the topic. Then, explore it further together through books, conversation, drawing pictures and play.
This is truly a magical time for your child. Their days are full of wonder, discovery, learning and confirmation. The next time you are bombarded with the “why’s” you can smile knowing that your child’s curious and attentive mind is at work and play.
Prior to opening her own coaching business, Karen Nowicki was a teacher, asst. principal and vice president for public and charter schools. Karen is the founder of the MotherDaughterWeekends.com and the author of Maddie Moonbeam’s Garden. Karen lives in Chandler, AZ with her husband and three children. For more with Karen, sign up for her free newsletter atwww.apeacefulintegration.com.
